Wednesday, July 22, 2009


An uneventful day. Not uncommon to me these past months. Work was as it usually was; tedious. I put in my two weeks notice. It feels good to know that my time there is almost through. Sadly, that means I must go through the whole process of finding a new place of employment once more. Only this time in an unfamiliar town, thus, making it that much more difficult. Oh well, 'tis the life of the middle class wanderer.

I have made plans to go out this week. No guarantees that I will follow through. A certain Smile Huse has rubbed his hermit ways onto me. Nonetheless, I will attempt a social time and hope for the best.

I will soon be attempting a Strawberry Meringue cake. The photos are mouthwatering as will be the final product... hopefully.

My eyes are dry. On the evenings where I have no work the following morning, I push myself to stay up late into the evening. Though I usually do nothing out of the ordinary, taking advantage of my freedom proves to be exhilarating. I will sleep in late tomorrow and hopefully wake up to a head full of memorable dreams. Cohesive enough to be put into written word. My dreams lately have been quite strange. I believe that is why it is rare that I remember them upon regaining consciousness.

Speaking of dreams, not in the above specified context, but future dreams. I spoke to my Grandmother today. I fear she is upset with me. I am not at all living up to her expectations as a Grandmother. I turned away from the path I had earlier said to be my chosen career, that of medicine, to choose one of less prestige, film. I spent one year at a somewhat prestigious university, only to transfer out to a less exalted state school. I have body art. I tend to lean towards a Liberal ideology. All of these things not specifically to rebel against her but I believe she takes it all very personally. As if my actions reflect on her (which they do not by any means). She has not been a present enough figure in my life for her sway to have much effect over any of my actions. I care for her all the same though.

As I also care for my mother. Though I have recently discovered her serious codependency issues. Since my father departed for few weeks of distant learning, she has not been very capable of spending time on her own. She constantly insists on my company and has officially overstayed her welcome in my personal schedule. Not that I have too many other pressing matters to attend to, but nonetheless, one can only spend so much time with their mother before the twigs on the family tree begin to bend and break. She offered to reward me with $5 if I would play a game of Scrabble with her. Not as a bet to the winner, but as a bribe. I immediately refused seeing the strangeness in the entire situation. She attempted to play it off as a humorous folly, but I knew otherwise. It is since that I have avoided spending as much time so as to distance myself from any further confrontations with the dragon that breaths the fire of loneliness into my mothers heart. After 20 years of her not being alone, I understand her issues, but that does not make spending time with her against my will any less uncomfortable.

It is time now for me to sleep. I can no longer stay up much past 2am. I am only 19 and age is already clasping its fingers around my internal clock.

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